On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
