if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
