i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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