Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
