and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
