Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
