If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
