cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
