So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
