I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
