he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
