You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
