Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
