I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
