Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
