All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
