That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
