come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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