come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
