Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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