I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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