Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
