So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
