just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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