You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
