i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Someone came in the potted fern
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
