they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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