I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
