just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
