I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
