things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
