Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
