If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How external is "for external use only"?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
