When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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