So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
