All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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