i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
