I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
