At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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