worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
