are you still at the devil's house?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
