I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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