Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
