I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
