I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just had sex on a roof
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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