She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
