the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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