so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
