Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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