I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
