i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize
