i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
