My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
